Taking The Plunge

Not just warmer weather, but hot weather has finally arrived. Summer is upon us, which means all the magazines and beauty blogs post self-tanner tips and tutorials and skin cancer prevention Q&A's, while those like me who prefer cadaverously pale complexions slather on 100+ SPF and top it off with Bare Minerals Mineral Sunscreen. It also means everyone around town wears tiny shorts, tank tops, and flip-flops, only to freak out when they enter the freezer that is the Asian supermarket and shriek, "It's cold!" Meanwhile, I shrug in my double layer of sweaters and say, "Oh, is it? I hadn't noticed."

My lifesaver in summer. Picture from Sephora.com

It also means that my apartment complex has opened the pool, so I can swim, on the condition that I wear swim clothes. All that leads me to swimsuit shopping.

There are few things that fill me with such dread and Lovecraftian-level horror as swimsuit shopping. The last one I bought was ten years ago. It was the only one piece I could find that both fit me and was affordable, and it worked well for a few years; but it is no longer in wearable condition, even if it could still fit me. The last few years, despite having easy access to a pool, I never replaced it. You see, swimsuits are something that absolutely must be tried on before buying, which leaves me standing before a full mirror with all my bulges and rolls of fat and cellulite on display. I have a lot of issues, and yes, body issues are part of that, which is why I have sworn off bikinis and two pieces. There is no way I'm going to show off my squishy midriff to the world. That, and bikinis almost never have enough support for my ample bosom, except for Victoria's Secret bikini tops. Those have amazing support like VS bras but are way out of my affordable price range and even further out of my comfortable skimpiness range.

This year, however, after seeing so many pretty suits in the fashion magazines (which say that one pieces are in again, hurray!), I decided to take the plunge. I pretended to be blase about it. "My plans for the day? I'm just going to buy a swimsuit and then drown myself in ice cream, vodka, and self-loathing," I told my sister breezily. I made sure to eat a healthy and non-filling breakfast of fruit that morning so that I wouldn't feel too pudgy. I spritzed on a flirty perfume and put Cruel Summer on my mp3 player to put myself in a bright mood, and then I headed to the mall.

Image from Polyvore.com

My first stop was Charlotte Russe. I had seen an adorable halter one piece with ruched sides in a lovely coral at the store previously, and I shop at Charlotte Russe often enough to know I take a size large in just about everything there. I went to the fitting room and told myself not to focus on the negative as I slipped off my skirt. Only... I couldn't get the swimsuit up my thighs. Apparently, their swimwear is sized differently than the rest of the store's clothes, and they didn't carry any XL one pieces.

Since that was my first pick, I was pretty discouraged, but I went to a few other stores and tried to stay optimistic. However, my heart kept sinking deeper and deeper with each failure of a swimsuit. After an hour and a half, I ended up at Target, which had a surprisingly large selection. I found an actually flattering, ruffled, purple suit with shapewear built in, but it was twice what I could afford. I tried on several and picked the one that sucked the least: black with spaghetti straps and a tiny bit of blue and green trim at the v-neckline. I also got a coral coverup dress to slip over the swimsuit so that I won't feel so exposed on my walk to and from the pool.

So a few days ago, when I slipped into that cool water and let the day's stress just melt away, I didn't think about how terrible I looked. That swimsuit felt right in the water, so it was worth all the pain and effort.

And, you know, black is slimming, so there's a plus, right?

Dive on in; the water's perfect.

XOXO
Gossip Ghoul.